You People hate Fall Fashion

Can we for a moment talk about what is happening with Fall fashion? According to the New York Time’s online blog, which can be found here, women should be wearing fur, fully lined eyes, and lots of textured shimmer.  Their inspiration picture is the following:

Before we go any further, I’d just like to ask a few questions, such as “what in the hell is she wearing?” and “where would you wear this outfit to?” As a woman, I have no interest in wearing what amounts to the love child of the Little Mermaid and Pocahontas, but then again, that’s just me. If you are dying to wear the outfit that is claimed to be “the retro dress”, than all you have to do is fork over $6,980 for the dress and $1,990 for the hat, both of which is Prada. Don’t ask me how much the gloves cost as they won’t even tell you the price (Louis Vuitton) possibly for the fear that you might just choke on your morning coffee. Aren’t we in the midst of a recession? Seriously though, if I saw a woman walking around Midtown wearing this, I’d call the local mental health hotline. What is with that hat, anyway? Unless you are an aviator, on a motorcycle or mentally challenged, there is no reason for you to be wearing a helmet constructed of leather and feathers, and its horribly bulky chin strap.

Another one of their fall trends is this gem of an outfit that pairs a see through skirt with a horrible sweater and a purse possibly constructed from the fur of pound puppies:

Is she going to one of those Ugly Sweater Parties, or is this really fashion? Also, I’d like to know who decided that a sheer skirt was a great idea not just for chilly weather, but in general. Of course she has to wear a bulky sweater, it’s the only item of clothing she has on that would provide any sort of warmth. Can we again discuss the prices? The skirt ($3120) and sweater ($2,185) are both products of Christopher Kane, whom I can only imagine is mentally deranged. $2,185 for that sweater? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m pretty sure I could stroll down to my local Good Will and pick up something that looks similar for $5. Not that I would, because I am not blind. What the hell is that over her right breast? Is it a penguin? If this is fashion, than I have no qualms stating that I am fashionably challenged.

Then again, maybe it’s just the Times. Let’s see what ELLE has to offer:

What the fuck? I can understand a little leather, or a little print, or a little plaid, but what the hell is happening in these pictures? The first one looks like a dominatrix, the second Edward Scissor Hand’s long lost sister, the third is just terrible and the fourth is one of the least flattering dresses I have ever seen. What is happening here? Are we in the age of avant-garde? I understand that Lady Gaga is pushing the fashion limits these days, but I see no reason why women are supposed to look absolutely ridiculous in order to wear what’s “in”.

Screw it, if these are my options, than I guess I’ll stick with the mermaid-hybrid and call it a day.

Poor Dog

Apparently this dog and I have something in common: we are both terrified of Julia Roberts

You People believe in Disney

Wait, is that not what I was supposed to learn?

You People need beauty sleep

You People believe in traditions

In 1993, my mother took me to see Hocus Pocus. Hey, wait... why is that text a different color? Because it's a link to the ENTIRE MOVIE. Why? Because I love this movie and I watch it every single year around Halloween. Why? Because it's the greatest movie of all time.

I'm not really someone who stands by traditions. Don't get me wrong, I love holidays, but I just don't have any traditions that I claim as my own. I don't go caroling in December, I don't got to costume parties in October, I don't ring in the New Year at parties... my god, I sound lame. Anyway, there is only one tradition that I hold to every single year, and I am passing it on to you. Why? Because you too should know the awesomeness that is Hocus Pocus. Look! It's a link! Now go forth and carry on this tradition, because everyone needs a little bit of awesome in their lives.

You People believe in well constructed sentences

For some reason my online conversations never last very long...

You People believe in Shakespearean insults

You People Love Fridays

We're so excited that it's Friday that we will happily sing along...

You People like a Steaming Cup of... Cake?

Today was a really, really, really shitty day. The kind of day where you come home, open a beer and put on your pajamas. But the beer/pajamas ritual just wasn't fixing the terrible mood. But you know what did?

 Mug of CAKE!!!!

Ingredients

Serves: 1

• 4 tablespoons flour
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons cocoa
• 1 egg
• 3 tablespoons milk
• 3 tablespoons butter flavour infused rice bran oil, or butter
• ¼ teaspoon vanilla essence or peppermint
• 1 tablespoon choc chips
• 1 large mug

Preparation method

Prep: 10 mins |Cook: 3 mins

1.	Add dry ingredients to the mug, and mix well.
2.	Crack an egg and add it to your mug. Be sure to mix it well to avoid any pockets of flour in the corners. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well. Add the vanilla essence.
3.	Pop your mug into the microwave & zap for 3 minutes on maximum power (1000watt). Wait until the cake stops rising, and sets in the mug.
4.	If necessary, run a knife around the sides of the mug, and tip the still warm cake out of the mug and onto a saucer.

HELL YES

You People Just Want to Help

You People,
My one year anniversary is coming up and I don't know what to get my girlfriend. She always says that she doesn't need or want anything but then she gets mad if I don't get her anything, as I learned on her birthday. Do you have any ideas?
-Just Want to Get Laid


Dear Just Want to Get Laid,
First, women are liars. Any woman who says that she doesn't want a gift, or that she isn't mad or that she doesn't care what you do, is bullshitting you. They do want a gift, they just don't want to tell you what they want because they want you to guess. And when you get it wrong, she will be mad. Because women are bitches. Second, stop being such a pussy. One year anniversary? Man up. However, it's understandable that you want to get laid, and we here at The Perturbed know the perfect pantie-dropper: Bacon Roses. You might be saying to yourself "but my girlfriend is always on a diet". Well my friend, inside every woman is a fat girl dying to devour pig on a stick. Now, if your next thought is "but my girlfriend is a vegetarian" than I'm going to have to give you some sound advice: dump the bitch. You can't trust someone who hates vegetables so much that they are personally trying to wipe out entire gardens while sparing all the animals. Vegetarians are assholes. So, dump the veg-head and pick up a proper carnivore and make her bacon roses. If these bad boys don't drop her panties, than nothing will.

-You People

You People know their bitches like sonnets